Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Spontaneous Erasure

I’ve been having problems with what I call ‘spontaneous erasure.’ I'll be busy painting silence black and all of a sudden a very strong feeling will come over me that can only be described as someone rubbing a big rubber eraser over my entire body and then, weirdly enough, ‘going over’ me with a pen and ink and sometimes even crayons. I find the experience both very disturbing and amazingly refreshing at the same time. I really don’t know what to make of it. Is there anybody else out there who has experienced this phenomenon?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Here and There and Back Again

I’m taking a break from my very frustrating search for the Missing Chapter of Humanity to do some well needed philosophizing in regards as to why I have never been able to get from here to there in my amazing metaphysical life.

So how far is here from there exactly? Now you might think this question easy to answer, if you know where you are and where you are going; but you couldn’t be more wrong. This is because the essence of the question is loaded with a philosophical quandary.

First, we must determine where here is. Second we must determine where there is. And that is where the problem comes in - once we’re there, there becomes here. Therefore we never get there. We are always here no matter where we are. Do you see what I'm saying?

On the whole we have quite the problem here and I’m not sure what to do about it. Should I leave here and there here to slowly erode away at the space-time continuum? Or should I save everybody a lot of psychological pain and shoot both concepts dead in their tracks? I admit point of view is not my strongest attribute.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

CPR and Lightning

Ace Warloch has been extremely busy providing emergency CPR for lightning bolts that have been unable to strike so there are no adventures, encounters, or philosophic profundities to report this week.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Warning: Cartoon Malice

Cartoons walk among us. They show no fear of discovery and display contempt and disgust for modern 3-D man. That is my story this week and I’m going to keep rationalizing it.

Please be aware that we can’t see these cartoons unless they want us to as they can move between the 1st, 2nd and 3rd dimensions at will. That said, it becomes obvious that we should not be worried about black market nukes when there is the covert agenda of the cartoon populace to irrationally fear.

Laugh now and laugh never again or heed this warning for your own safety. Though they make their funnies, cartoons have no regard for proper existence and will quickly turn on their admirers, creators and fellow toons in a heartbeat of schizopathic glee.

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Backwards Justice

Recently Ace went to Cyberspace Court regarding the speeding superstition that ran him over in the Whatever guestbook. Unfortunately for Ace, the cyber judge brought his cyber-mallet down with the cyber fury of a maladjusted cyber-malfunction. In the end Ace was found guilty of obstructing trendy paranoias despite the fact that he was the plaintiff.