Tuesday, June 27, 2006

New Job or is it a Mission?

Recently, on 666, I was removed from my what they disturbingly referred to as a “job”. It was more like “wage captivity.” Nevertheless, I found something new that is much more suited to the innate qualities I have as a mythological rare occult potentiality with quantum genes and molecular self-organization capabilities.

I’m proud to say I am now an investigative mythologist and that I’ve been hired by an ancient mystical institution to find one of the Missing Chapters of Humanity.

Nevertheless, despite my over qualifications for this gig, I have yet to find this elusive Missing Chapter. So far all I've uncovered is the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, the Spear of Destiny, one of Yngwie Malmsteen's stolen guitars and a near-mint copy of Action Comics No.1. All of which I ruthlessly destroyed and discarded because they have no connection to the particular Missing Chapter of Humanity I've been looking for. It has to be somewhere. I continue my search. Peace.

Monday, June 19, 2006

An Excuse Already

Ace Warloch has nothing to post this week as he has been in an altered state of consciousness for several daze trying to hypnotize a cobra. I would also like to bring to your attention that much like the famed cold-blooded vertebrate Ace is trying to put in a trance, this website could spring all the way across cyberspace when you least expect it. Not to mention that the words used herein could reform themselves into quite another excuse than the one you are reading now.

About Ace Warloch excuses: They are living entities that feed off things that remain unaccomplished even going so far as to 'cause' things not to happen. They do this so they can feel justified in regards to their existence.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Karmic Debtbook

There I was, standing on the banks of the Rerun River scanning the Sky for an omen. An omen that would clue me in as to what I should be doing with my 're-found' possibly 'pseudonymous' life as Ace Herostratus Warloch.

And that is when a duck, swooping down to land on the river while apparently daydreaming, instead landed on the head of a large Doberman who had been silently standing in the shallows of said river probably wondering if he could catch one of those sleek swimming things that kept speeding by. It was hard to tell who was more surprised, the absentminded duck, the dog who got a sudden head dunk or yours truly.

You see, the 'Sky' evidently noticing my attention had been drawn to the splashing crashdown, thought that it would be perfect timing for something else to happen. So it dropped my Karmic Debtbook directly on my head. The book, being very thick (no comment), hit me with such force I bit my tongue and fell over backwards. Now, how the 'Sky' got ahold of this blasted book I’ll never know; however, I’m quite sure the 'Sky' meant to cause me a great deal of pain.

After getting up I shook my fist at the petty omenless 'Sky' and declared that I would most certainly be getting revenge. First things first however, I needed to find a way to violently vaporize this Karmic Debtbook that contains everything I supposedly need to be held accountable for. In excruciatingly detail. And let me tell you, Karmic Debtbooks are notoriously difficult to destroy. So I am now looking for a new place to hide it - at least until I can figure out how to destroy it without the Universe finding out.