Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Find Myself

Sometimes I wonder where I go and why. So I decided to start stalking myself to find out.

Boy was I surprised at the results.

The first time I found myself was when I caught a glimpse of myself suspiciously gazing at myself in a mirror and suffered a mild panic attack thinking I had given myself away, to myself of course. Then later that night, I found myself sitting under a ladder methodically breaking mirrors while encouraging a black cat to cross my path over and over again.

Obviously, this stealthy observation of my own strange activitity had quite an intense impact on my self-awareness. I had always wondered where my bad luck was coming from. And now I knew: myself.

You see, I had apparently thought that bad luck must have a point of diminishing returns and so I was trying to go around the ancient circle of luck to be back in the golly gee graces of good luck, where I was planning to anchor myself with a ton of Dethklok albums - all bought and paid for of course.

I digress, at least now I know where I’ve been and more importantly, what I have been doing. To discover I have a secret secretive life within my quasi-mortal life as a rare occult potentiality has been profoundly illuminating. However, I’m starting to wonder if any life anywhere can be anything but a fiction.


I have been trying to discover the true esoteric nature of the common circle as it may give me a clue to where the Missing Chapter of Humanity is hidden. So far I have discovered a few amazing things about circles and thought I would share them with you:

  • They are always round in all directions.
  • You can measure them at any point along their circumference.
  • If the circle isn’t closed it isn’t a circle.
  • They get around and certainly know how to make the rounds.
  • Crop circles are often made out of them.
  • They all have different personalities.
  • You can hide stuff in some of them - often of a very personal nature.
  • They can be made out of virtually anything including air.
  • They can be found everywhere (try finding a place without circles).
  • They are closely related and probably the great grandaddy of what we call spirals.
  • Not all circles get along with other circles.
  • They are used to make things like trash cans, wheels, and pens; however, they are most importantly used to make condoms.
  • Circles prefer to be not talked about.
  • A “hole” is a derogatory name for a rough circle.
  • If you follow the path of a circle from any point you will end up where you started whether you like it or not.
  • Every circle is part of a larger circle and has an inside and an outside.
  • Some circles are privileged. Other circles are screwed.
  • Some circles are right. Other circles are wrong.
  • Getting to the center of a circle by walking the path of the diameter is not always possible. This is because circles are defined by their center and therefore will sometimes go to extraordinary extremes to camoflague the true location of their ‘heart and soul.’

Well, I’m sure there is a lot more to be learned about circles but this list shall suffice for now. As for what they revealed to me regarding the whereabouts of the Missing Chapter of Humanity, for right now I have to keep that to myself for reasons of personal safety.