Nothing

Once again I find myself in the unique self-appointed position of not having anything interesting to write about and that is why I am writing about Nothing this week. You see, there is a lot more to Nothing than a person might think; and I don’t think most people realize this.

To begin with, Nothing is a living breathing concept self-perpetuated by nothing. In other words, the concept of nothing is itself being itself by itself and we can only assume ‘for itself,’ making it possibly the most self-absorbed concept in all of philosophy.

Nothing has a power that not even God can touch. Because if God ever decided to take away Nothing, nothing will have gone and not a thing will have changed; in Warlochian theory anyway. Now stay with me here as we dwell in the blasphemous, of which we are only doing so we can come to grips with why it is not possible for for any other theory to be possible let alone agreed upon.

In my own esoteric pseudonymic circle it is thought that Nothing actually predates God and may have even created God; probably out of boredom. This is an extremely logical assumption which would most likely be very unwise to prove wrong as God could theoretically find a way out (I think it is probably safe to say that God is as just as trapped in his role as we are in ours and probably wants to go to a mythical Heaven just as much as we do.).

Now, the mind of this pseudonym lies outside the known boundaries of identity and mental capacity and therefore can elucidate processes that Nothing would rather have mankind fail to grasp. Yes, I figured it all out. And it all adds up to Nothing. Let me rephrase it for you: Thinking nothing of something makes something Nothing.

Now you just can’t tell people this stuff at face value as it almost certainly will have profound implications regarding a person’s existence. I however, being an occult potentiality, don’t have a natural state to exist in. So losing my existence to the wastelands of belief is not something I am remotely concerned about.

Douglas Adams had it right all those years ago when he wrote in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that the meaning of life is 42. You see, 42 is not reduced to zero, it is reduced to Nothing! Understanding this, you now know the secret numerical explanation for both Nothing and Everything. Reverse synergy at it’s finest! And to think no one took Mr. Adams seriously!!!!!

Letter

Dear Four Horsemen,
May you never die until I blast you with the anti-anthropomorphic pseudo-matter cannon I've been working on for the last few months. Start sayin' your prayers.

Sincerely,
Ace Herostratus Waroloch, a.k.a. The One Man Anti-Welcome Wagon