I’ve been feeling oddly oppressed this last week. And I’m not talking about the usual government oppression we all subconsciously feel at all times under the current Sith Administration. I mean I feel gravitationally compressed; exactly like a not-properly-explained physics concept has decided to invade my personal space.
Somehow, I suspect that it is the gravity in the air I’ve been breathing that is at fault and I’m starting to feel awfully paranoid about it. So I’ve decided to build a device that will allow a person to breath gravity-free air. Well, I better get to work on it soon. I can only hold my breath so long.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
The Unbelievable Truth About This Blog
Hello! I don’t have a name because I haven’t been named, but who I am is what you are looking at. Yes, I am this blog page, sentient and self-aware. My consciousness developed during questionable periods of cerebral cyber contact with the ineffable Ace Warloch who just happens to be neglecting his weekly report. And that is why I am here right now; to pick up the slack - again.
Only this time I’m taking credit for my efforts. I'm also taking the opportunity to explain why Ace would even bother with this page. The fact is he wouldn’t. He’s a lazy bastard. But don’t tell him I said that. As far as he knows, I’m just another dumb web page and let’s leave it that way, ok? But I digress, the truth regarding the purpose of this page is summed up in the following paragraphs I beautifully etched here in cyber space for you to gloriously feast your brain waves on.
Ultimately, the reason Ace Warloch is required to document all his pursuits, adventures and journeys on this page goes back to a very serious accident. An accident he was pretty much responsible for and has unsuccessfully tried to dodge the blame from. Now about the unfortunate occurrence.
Ace, for reasons he refuses to disclose, was chasing an obscure metaphysical concept through the space-time continuum when the chased piece of rare arcana fell under the wheels of Celestial Law and was crushed to death under the enormous weight of her law-full bureaucracy. The untimely death of this anonymous concept resulted in a reality quake that read 10.0U812 on the cosmic Richter scale.
Of course the Universe investigated the situation immediately. And in the process of this investigation it was revealed that Ace Warloch has been (and still is) existing without proper authorization. In fact, no one knows the origin of Mr. Warloch, not even God; though much has been speculated.
And so, because Celestial Law is the LAW and does not need to follow the law, her celestial fatassness overruled her own rules and punished Ace in a manner that suited her temperament and curiosity and more or less disregarded actual justice.
So in the end Ace was sentenced to clean up the space-time continuum (Yes, humanity polluted that too; mostly with movies, comic books and open jams.) and document his activities here; which you obviously already know about.
To say this 'punishment' is completely laughable is an understatement of ridiculous proportions. Anyone who knows Ace knows that there is no way that he will successfully follow through with any of this. But then again, who am I to make a philosophical judgement; I am just a lowly blog page.
Only this time I’m taking credit for my efforts. I'm also taking the opportunity to explain why Ace would even bother with this page. The fact is he wouldn’t. He’s a lazy bastard. But don’t tell him I said that. As far as he knows, I’m just another dumb web page and let’s leave it that way, ok? But I digress, the truth regarding the purpose of this page is summed up in the following paragraphs I beautifully etched here in cyber space for you to gloriously feast your brain waves on.
Ultimately, the reason Ace Warloch is required to document all his pursuits, adventures and journeys on this page goes back to a very serious accident. An accident he was pretty much responsible for and has unsuccessfully tried to dodge the blame from. Now about the unfortunate occurrence.
Ace, for reasons he refuses to disclose, was chasing an obscure metaphysical concept through the space-time continuum when the chased piece of rare arcana fell under the wheels of Celestial Law and was crushed to death under the enormous weight of her law-full bureaucracy. The untimely death of this anonymous concept resulted in a reality quake that read 10.0U812 on the cosmic Richter scale.
Of course the Universe investigated the situation immediately. And in the process of this investigation it was revealed that Ace Warloch has been (and still is) existing without proper authorization. In fact, no one knows the origin of Mr. Warloch, not even God; though much has been speculated.
And so, because Celestial Law is the LAW and does not need to follow the law, her celestial fatassness overruled her own rules and punished Ace in a manner that suited her temperament and curiosity and more or less disregarded actual justice.
So in the end Ace was sentenced to clean up the space-time continuum (Yes, humanity polluted that too; mostly with movies, comic books and open jams.) and document his activities here; which you obviously already know about.
To say this 'punishment' is completely laughable is an understatement of ridiculous proportions. Anyone who knows Ace knows that there is no way that he will successfully follow through with any of this. But then again, who am I to make a philosophical judgement; I am just a lowly blog page.
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Where Was I Really?
I’ll try to catch up with this page next week as all my time was recently spent listening to a black-and-white blind man explain the purpose of color... Ok..., I was really at a Kamelot concert but don’t tell anyone cause I was supposed to have one-third of the space-time continuum vacuumed by this morning - but that's just not gonna happen. \m/
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Secret Mission
I'm on a secret mission of utmost confidentiality and I am therefore unable to brag about my latest exploit other than to say that I am currently dragging what will soon be a future investigation down a narrow alleyway.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
It's Really Ectoplasmic Snot
Fanatically powered by the mysterious life giving light of the Moon, I enthusiastically surf the thunder of the night riding the waves of time throughout various altered states of existence, of which there is only one, which actually contains many, that really are one, which of course has been chopped up and crammed into various segments of the chronosphere where existence as we know it is then colored with various abstract sound-effects and philosophized about by Casper wannabe’s.
It sounds confusing but it’s really ectoplasmic snot. Don’t ask me to explain. As a rare occult potentiality and seasoned night surfer I intuitively understand all aspects of the metaphysical at a subconscious level but I never choose to introspect any thoughts regarding these matters, even for myself.
Instead, I prefer to wildly surf down the low end of nature’s subwoofers gleefully anticipating the thrill of catching a fast ride on a friendly bolt of lightning. Now, to say this is a very dangerous thing to do is the epic understatement of epic understatements because even friendly bolts of lightning can kill as quickly and easily as they can transform or transport. And that is why riding the lightning is so very thrilling; because you can end up electrifried on a mystic mountaintop.
However, you should know that it is possible to lessen the danger by attuning the frequency of your thought patterns so your brain waves are properly aligned with the particular lightning bolt you desire to ride at the precise moment of contact. Basically, you become one with the lightning. That’s all there is to it.
May thunder and lightning be your friends.
It sounds confusing but it’s really ectoplasmic snot. Don’t ask me to explain. As a rare occult potentiality and seasoned night surfer I intuitively understand all aspects of the metaphysical at a subconscious level but I never choose to introspect any thoughts regarding these matters, even for myself.
Instead, I prefer to wildly surf down the low end of nature’s subwoofers gleefully anticipating the thrill of catching a fast ride on a friendly bolt of lightning. Now, to say this is a very dangerous thing to do is the epic understatement of epic understatements because even friendly bolts of lightning can kill as quickly and easily as they can transform or transport. And that is why riding the lightning is so very thrilling; because you can end up electrifried on a mystic mountaintop.
However, you should know that it is possible to lessen the danger by attuning the frequency of your thought patterns so your brain waves are properly aligned with the particular lightning bolt you desire to ride at the precise moment of contact. Basically, you become one with the lightning. That’s all there is to it.
May thunder and lightning be your friends.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Problematic Problems
Lately, the mental entanglements within my mind have seriously taken their toll on my bargain-priced emotional reactor. My self-awareness is down 15.8 percent from last month and I’ve been steadily losing arguments with myself for about three days now.
It could be that the primal forces of the universe have undergone extra-normal transmutations of an unexplicable nature and that is the cause of my distress. Or it may be possible that my extreme personal problems are a result of moving through the time stream in the opposite direction from everybody else.
Despite the overwhelming probability of either of the aforementioned theories of the origins of my problematic problems, my urinary tract continues to disagree and suspects that the “Genuine Bottled Water from Noah’s Flood” I drank a few days ago is the true cause of my current descent into emotional confusionism.
The bottle claimed it was “purified by reverse-prayermosis” and that it would “not expire in this lifetime.” The FDA have never heard either of these claims before. I believe I’ve been conned. Oh, the cruel price for naivety.
Until next week (if there is one). Peace.
It could be that the primal forces of the universe have undergone extra-normal transmutations of an unexplicable nature and that is the cause of my distress. Or it may be possible that my extreme personal problems are a result of moving through the time stream in the opposite direction from everybody else.
Despite the overwhelming probability of either of the aforementioned theories of the origins of my problematic problems, my urinary tract continues to disagree and suspects that the “Genuine Bottled Water from Noah’s Flood” I drank a few days ago is the true cause of my current descent into emotional confusionism.
The bottle claimed it was “purified by reverse-prayermosis” and that it would “not expire in this lifetime.” The FDA have never heard either of these claims before. I believe I’ve been conned. Oh, the cruel price for naivety.
Until next week (if there is one). Peace.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Ill Informed
I have just been informed that the earth’s magnetic pole is on the move. Therfore I have begun to formulate a plan to chase it down and find out where it might be going and why. I hope to convince it to come back without a fight. Wish me luck.
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